Chapter 14
What Do You Really Want?
Priorities, Choices, Values, and Health
Illness can lead us to reexamine our priorities. We may find ourselves relieved to have an indisputable reason to let go of responsibilities, to stop taking care of business, cease considering the needs and expectations of others, and forget about keeping up appearances. Studies show that putting yourself first seems to have health-promoting qualities. Individuals who experience spontaneous remission from cancer often report committing themselves to seeking what truly nourishes them in life, and in doing so, find their way back to a more genuine sense of self and their health.
When you stop to consider what you really want, you’ll notice challenges to thinking clearly about this essential question. Social belief systems indicate that satisfaction comes from outside us, from achieving status, power, and lots of stuff. But is that really what you need to feel nourished? Because statistics show the rich are usually healthier than the poor, it may be useful to explore your thoughts in this area.
Personal beliefs about how responsible and "good" people should act can lead to ignoring your desires and focusing on the needs of others—a recipe for shoving the whole issue of what you want under the rug. Trying to be yourself if you believe those who stand out get shot down can leave you feeling exposed and vulnerable. Examining your beliefs about fun versus responsibility and independence versus conformity can uncover unnecessary—and unhealthy—constraints you have placed on your choices in life.
One method for getting in touch with the true you is the practice of Conscious Consumption. Your usual approach to eating may include compulsively or guiltily indulging yourself, or obsessing about rules for "eating right." By developing a habit of asking and acting on the pivotal question, "What do I really want?" you can develop a healthier and more nourishing relationship to food—and yourself. This question and the other steps of this practice bring to light beliefs about the dangers of expressing and enjoying yourself, opening the way to a more trusting exploration of the inspired spontaneity of your desires. Extending the habit of Conscious Consumption to other areas of life frees resources for pursuing situations, feelings, and things that really count, enhancing mental and physical health.