Emancipation proclamation
Garrison Keillor, best known as the host of the public radio show "A Prairie Home Companion," had open-heart surgery the summer of 2001. Following a thoughtful five-week convalescence, he announced to devoted followers of his Salon advice column, "Mr. Blue," that he was taking his own advice and giving up authoring the column.
In his last column, Keillor observes, "Over the years, Mr. Blue's strongest advice has come down on the side of freedom in our personal lives, freedom from crushing obligation and overwork and family expectations and the freedom to walk our own walk and be who we are…. So now I am simply taking my own advice. Cut back on obligations: Promote a certain elegant looseness in life. Simple as that."
Simple as that, yet it required major surgery to pare life down to a more leisurely size. But lacking the indisputable excuse of illness, we often find it difficult to set aside our duties and obligations. As Garrison Keillor remarked to Terry Gross in a "Fresh Air" interview, "When you have open heart surgery, that is currency. It’s the ‘get off the hook’ card."
Without the social sanction provided by ill health, the very idea of putting ourselves first usually runs us head-on into our beliefs about responsibility, selfishness, and laziness. The mere thought of trying to lay down our unwanted burdens can inspire not only guilt, but also the fear of damaging our images as go-getters, hard workers, good parents, good children, good people, and responsible citizens.
Although illness provides a guilt-free opportunity to take it easier, it’s hard to revel in your freedom from social obligations and personal constraints when you’re actually sick. Therefore, the mind-body approach recommends cutting to the chase.
Imagine you’re convalescing from open-heart surgery and all exertion is off-limits for a month and a half. What invitations would you welcome declining? What obligations would you feel relieved to avoid? What social contacts would you be happy to do without? What, in short, would change in your life if you could freely put your desires first by saying "I can’t" rather than having to gird yourself to just say "no."
If accommodating others has become a habit, assertiveness training can help you cultivate the independent spirit that leads to the ability to say no without feeling guilty—and without having to be sick first. Studies of centenarians indicate that an independent attitude promotes health and longevity. Therefore, learning to say no to what you don’t want is saying yes to improved health.
Even if you plan to live to be 100, life’s too short to trade your health for personal freedom. Mr. Blue would be the first to tell you so.
Return to newsletter archive list