The Shift Diaries

Getting ready to move is triggering plenty of unsettling automatic responses, which is making me highly aware of how little my intellectual command of Shift concepts applies to getting through an actual day comfortably. On that subject, today I got a nice e-mail from someone who read the Shift Diary entry where I talked about my writing issues. He said:

I wouldn’t worry about whether or not you get too many comments on your blog.  Just relax and know that those who need to get information will find it there when they need it.  That seems to be how things really work.  I would also think that perhaps Elias would say to you  that any entries you put into your blog are most efficiently done if you have no expectation of anyone reading it.  Just share the information that you wish to share. Those who need it will find it.

I replied: I agree with you wholeheartedly. If I were completely in the present with my attention totally on myself, and filled with trust and self-acceptance, and capable of stopping automatic responses before I even triggered them (and able to leap tall buildings with a single bound – why not that, too?), then I wouldn’t worry about anything.

And if I would just RELAX and freely express myself without any expectation or concern for what others might think or where it might get me, yes, that would be most excellent, also.

And, of course, if I lived out of the awareness that I attract everyone and everything I desire without effort – that would be terrific, too.

And if I could put the brakes on fearing the crap that I attract to myself, I could use the concept about “you attract everything” to dispel many worries, I’m sure.

And what I notice is, all that intellectual knowing – because I certainly do KNOW I shouldn’t worry and shouldn’t expect and shouldn’t have this, that, and the other unenlightened response, oh, do I ever KNOW all that stuff – but all that conceptual blather doesn’t make much of a dent in the automatic responses that I (and everyone else I know) trigger pretty routinely.

And that’s what I’m exploring out loud for all the world to see in the Shift Diaries. I assume it will be useful for others, as it is for me, to notice that talking the talk just don’t cut it here in Shift Land, and that walking the walk can be a danged challenging proposition. I’m struggling to live with an awareness that my intellectual knowing, understanding, agreement with, or belief in the concepts gives me essentially no leverage. In fact, the idea that “knowing” this stuff is sufficient to shift the way we deal with things seems to be a major source of Shift Trauma. It is for me, anyway.

Because when we assume that we’ve got the concepts down cold, many of us tend take it kind of hard when the reality we’re creating gets a little ouchy. In fact, people like me tend to feel like MORONS when we’re having trouble creating an appealing reality.

And I was very good at talking the talk. Exceptional, in fact. I KNEW this stuff – ask me anything about reality creation! And yet, here I am, living for years in this weird sort of Limbo, struggling with my automatic responses and discounting myself for that struggle.

Those of us who’ve been exploring these concepts all KNOW (or think we know) what works and what doesn’t. We’re bright people. We’ve read Seth and Elias and listened to Abraham. Over and over and over and OVER. These concepts aren’t exactly higher mathematics. They’re simple. Really, really, really simple. We can sum them up in a sentence or two. It seems as though we should get it, and just get on with living it. How hard could it be?

But when it comes to practicing these concepts in every day life, that’s where I’ve gotten to experience exactly how hard it can be. That’s where I struggle and that’s where I add to the challenge of practicing this information by discounting myself for struggling with it. I know the concepts. I’m a damned genius about the concepts. But when it comes to applying them in the middle of an everyday shitstorm of automatic responses that I’ve triggered in myself, those concepts go out the window. I’m worried! I’m scared! I don’t want to accept whatever unpleasantness I’ve created – I want it stop and stop NOW! And don’t get me started on expectation! I’m filled with expectation at every turn. I want to do things and have things change!

So, yes, I agree, I shouldn’t worry, blah, blah, blah. And I still do. And then I wake up, and reorient myself, and carry on. And then I trigger another automatic response, and get that signal of worry jangling all through me, and thrash around trying to figure out how to STOP it, and run on my hamster wheel of distress for a long or short period. Then I wake up, reorient myself, and carry on.

And Elias tells us, soothingly, as we continue to express dismay at finding ourselves floundering, yet again, in the “uncomfortable” mire of our automatic responses, “How can you address these issues unless you become aware of them?”

How indeed?

I didn’t take it personally when I trained horses and the one I was working with had an undesirable automatic response. It was simply something to work on. No big deal. I’d shift the horse’s attention back to something soothingly familiar, and then gradually, calmly move back in the unfamiliar and desired direction until the horse developed a new automatic response, the one I preferred. Sometimes this happened very quickly; sometimes it took days. It didn’t matter to me. I knew where I was headed and had complete confidence in my ability to get there. I knew how to live the concepts of horse training.

Working with my own self as the horse and the rider is much more challenging. I’m not one step removed from the automatic response – I’m in it. I’m not so calm during my upsets, not so understanding of them, not so confident in my ability to redirect my energy where I would prefer it to go. With myself, I do all the things I would never do with a horse. I push myself. I’m impatient. I’m critical. I’m demanding. I’m disappointed.

And yet, I KNOW exactly what concept applies to the trouble I’m having. I know the answer, teacher! I know! I know! Call on me!

The part I’m really committed to practicing now is omitting the self-discounting. I want to slide in and out of my automatic responses without beating up on myself for not being more AWARE. For not being aware enough to avoid triggering myself. For not being aware enough not to worry or expect or judge myself or WHATEVER. Yet, the discounting is another automatic response.

Tricky, isn’t it?

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 28th, 2006 at 4:02 pm and is filed under Sharing experiences. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Getting ready to move is triggering plenty of unsettling automatic responses, which is making me highly aware of how little my intellectual command of Shift concepts applies to getting through an actual day comfortably. On that subject, today I got a nice e-mail from someone who read the Shift Diary entry where I talked about my writing issues. He said:

I wouldn’t worry about whether or not you get too many comments on your blog.  Just relax and know that those who need to get information will find it there when they need it.  That seems to be how things really work.  I would also think that perhaps Elias would say to you  that any entries you put into your blog are most efficiently done if you have no expectation of anyone reading it.  Just share the information that you wish to share. Those who need it will find it.

I replied: I agree with you wholeheartedly. If I were completely in the present with my attention totally on myself, and filled with trust and self-acceptance, and capable of stopping automatic responses before I even triggered them (and able to leap tall buildings with a single bound – why not that, too?), then I wouldn’t worry about anything.

And if I would just RELAX and freely express myself without any expectation or concern for what others might think or where it might get me, yes, that would be most excellent, also.

And, of course, if I lived out of the awareness that I attract everyone and everything I desire without effort – that would be terrific, too.

And if I could put the brakes on fearing the crap that I attract to myself, I could use the concept about “you attract everything” to dispel many worries, I’m sure.

And what I notice is, all that intellectual knowing – because I certainly do KNOW I shouldn’t worry and shouldn’t expect and shouldn’t have this, that, and the other unenlightened response, oh, do I ever KNOW all that stuff – but all that conceptual blather doesn’t make much of a dent in the automatic responses that I (and everyone else I know) trigger pretty routinely.

And that’s what I’m exploring out loud for all the world to see in the Shift Diaries. I assume it will be useful for others, as it is for me, to notice that talking the talk just don’t cut it here in Shift Land, and that walking the walk can be a danged challenging proposition. I’m struggling to live with an awareness that my intellectual knowing, understanding, agreement with, or belief in the concepts gives me essentially no leverage. In fact, the idea that “knowing” this stuff is sufficient to shift the way we deal with things seems to be a major source of Shift Trauma. It is for me, anyway.

Because when we assume that we’ve got the concepts down cold, many of us tend take it kind of hard when the reality we’re creating gets a little ouchy. In fact, people like me tend to feel like MORONS when we’re having trouble creating an appealing reality.

And I was very good at talking the talk. Exceptional, in fact. I KNEW this stuff – ask me anything about reality creation! And yet, here I am, living for years in this weird sort of Limbo, struggling with my automatic responses and discounting myself for that struggle.

Those of us who’ve been exploring these concepts all KNOW (or think we know) what works and what doesn’t. We’re bright people. We’ve read Seth and Elias and listened to Abraham. Over and over and over and OVER. These concepts aren’t exactly higher mathematics. They’re simple. Really, really, really simple. We can sum them up in a sentence or two. It seems as though we should get it, and just get on with living it. How hard could it be?

But when it comes to practicing these concepts in every day life, that’s where I’ve gotten to experience exactly how hard it can be. That’s where I struggle and that’s where I add to the challenge of practicing this information by discounting myself for struggling with it. I know the concepts. I’m a damned genius about the concepts. But when it comes to applying them in the middle of an everyday shitstorm of automatic responses that I’ve triggered in myself, those concepts go out the window. I’m worried! I’m scared! I don’t want to accept whatever unpleasantness I’ve created – I want it stop and stop NOW! And don’t get me started on expectation! I’m filled with expectation at every turn. I want to do things and have things change!

So, yes, I agree, I shouldn’t worry, blah, blah, blah. And I still do. And then I wake up, and reorient myself, and carry on. And then I trigger another automatic response, and get that signal of worry jangling all through me, and thrash around trying to figure out how to STOP it, and run on my hamster wheel of distress for a long or short period. Then I wake up, reorient myself, and carry on.

And Elias tells us, soothingly, as we continue to express dismay at finding ourselves floundering, yet again, in the “uncomfortable” mire of our automatic responses, “How can you address these issues unless you become aware of them?”

How indeed?

I didn’t take it personally when I trained horses and the one I was working with had an undesirable automatic response. It was simply something to work on. No big deal. I’d shift the horse’s attention back to something soothingly familiar, and then gradually, calmly move back in the unfamiliar and desired direction until the horse developed a new automatic response, the one I preferred. Sometimes this happened very quickly; sometimes it took days. It didn’t matter to me. I knew where I was headed and had complete confidence in my ability to get there. I knew how to live the concepts of horse training.

Working with my own self as the horse and the rider is much more challenging. I’m not one step removed from the automatic response – I’m in it. I’m not so calm during my upsets, not so understanding of them, not so confident in my ability to redirect my energy where I would prefer it to go. With myself, I do all the things I would never do with a horse. I push myself. I’m impatient. I’m critical. I’m demanding. I’m disappointed.

And yet, I KNOW exactly what concept applies to the trouble I’m having. I know the answer, teacher! I know! I know! Call on me!

The part I’m really committed to practicing now is omitting the self-discounting. I want to slide in and out of my automatic responses without beating up on myself for not being more AWARE. For not being aware enough to avoid triggering myself. For not being aware enough not to worry or expect or judge myself or WHATEVER. Yet, the discounting is another automatic response.

Tricky, isn’t it?

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 28th, 2006 at 4:02 pm and is filed under Sharing experiences. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.